New Relationship Energy aka NRE
When starting a new relationship, you will often be affected by this brain altering state known as NRE. Unless you experience it, you really cannot understand just how much of a difference it makes in your life. Unless you experience someone else experiencing it, you really cannot understand just how much of a disruptive, chaotic mess it makes in your life.
So, you’re in this nice, stable, committed relationship, where everything is understood and all the rules are followed and partner A goes out, finds someone, plays with someone, they become the occasional playmate and all is fine. If this happens a few times in your relationships, you’re going to be completely disrupted when partner A finds someone, falls hard for that someone, and they start a relationship. New Relationship Energy can completely disrupt your life, your existing partner(s) lives, and pretty much anyone that is involved with you or your partners.
One thing I’ve read and heard often is “During NRE, pack nothing larger than a travel bag.” Decisions made during NRE may be regretted later. NRE is like a drug. Remember (if at all possible) that it will be a disruptive and stressful time. Long established (but not otherwise reviewed) rules may be forgotten, so it’s generally a good idea to review the rules of your relationship from time to time to have a chance of keeping these rules in mind when in the throes of NRE.
Speaking of drugs; major hormonal or psychology affecting drugs being changed will affect the way you or your partner(s) react to other people. Combining a major hormonal or drug change, with NRE is a recipe for potential disaster. These aren’t excuses, but may be mitigating reasons for why your life has become completely crazy. Appreciation for your partner who is going through NRE, as well as a healthy helping of compersion, will be necessary for your relationship to survive.
You know, I have a question. You keep saying that two partners should sit down and talk through the rules. Should that be segued into? Can you just confront your partner one day and say, “Look, we need to talk about the rules of our relationship?” I mean, even when my former supervisor went up to me to talk about work-related rules, it would feel extremely uncomfortable.
Thanks Kevin. I believe that my next blog post should be about just that. Look for it in the next couple of days.
The short form in my experience is “We need to talk about the rules of our relationshp” doesn’t work nearly as well as “These are the rules I live my life by.”