Other people’s opinions.
People often tell me that my lifestyle is wrong. They also say that I should settle down with one woman and be monogamous. They say that it’s the natural way for humans to be.
I’ve thought on this and come to a few conclusions. I don’t believe that making this many people unhappy could possibly be right.
None of my current partners are monogamous. So, to be monogamous, I would have to rid my life of all of my current partners.
Perhaps it’s looking at things in the extreme, but were I to become monogamous the following would have to happen:
I would rid my home of the “negative” polyamorous influences. I would have to get rid of the partners that live here with me and my son. Currently, due to the economy, that would likely put two people and a child into a living situation that would be very difficult and significantly more stressful. I would have to sell my house and move to a rental situation.
I would be leaving other partners with no other outlet but their current primary relationship. Considering the stress relief I provide for these in various ways, what is the likelihood of their current primary relationships continuing to be as successful as they are? (They and I do believe that I am a positive influence on their primary relationships)
Most of my friends understand that I am a more productive person, happier and a better influence on my social circles with my current partners. Some of these friends have seen me during those times I have tried to be monogamous, and have seen the damage that resulted in the attempt. Often, people become poly after a long string of failed monogamous relationships where they got caught cheating. This has happened to me as both the cheated and the cheater.
I think it is better for me and everyone around me for me to remain poly and continue to discover the best ways to make relationships work. I will continue my education to understand the various types of relationships. I will continue to offer to those that want help in understanding what type of relationship works best for them, as well as those that want help in building the best relationship(s) within their preferred type.
Thanks for sharing that Dave, in reality your lifestyle isn’t wrong, it just is.
It clearly works for you and makes you happy so why change it?
I have so much more respect for you, and everyone else who has the awareness, honesty and courage to be aware of what they truly want in a relationship and go get it than all those people who get married because they “should” and live lives of quiet desperation.
Thank you Cameron.
I appreciate you taking the time to express this.
I hope that with my exposure to my lifestyle a few people may have their eyes opened to possibilities that might otherwise have ended up in unhappy relationships due to a lack of knowledge.
I’d be interested in having a deeper discussion with you (maybe even cross-posting on our blogs) about this … from observing relationship dynamics for a long time and my spiritual background in Course in Miracles, I’m pretty convinced that monogamy not only doesn’t work but isn’t ever going to work, that it’s actually fundamentally designed to fail.
This is a recent post I wrote about the dynamics: http://spiritualseduction.com/special-relationships-are-like-jobs though I’ve written many articles before about why we need a new model for relationships.
Are you up for talking further?
I enjoy discussions about relationships in their various forms. Feel free to email me if you wish: multiplegirlfriends@gmail.com