Insanely busy (and lazy?)
It’s been awhile since my last update here. I plan to get back to real posting very soon. Sorry for the absence, but I allowed life to intrude 
Things should be back on track soon.
Dave
Why don’t relationships last?
Guys, it’s your responsibility to take chances in your relationship or the gal is not going to take the serious chance of a long term relationship with you. From the initial meeting, to “the next level” to proposal to marriage, it’s all your responsibility. When you are wondering why you don’t have relationships that last more than a few months, you may consider that you’ve not taken the chances necessary to deeply and strongly connect with the lady and one or both of you just get bored.
In order to build a long-term relationship you need a few things. Trust and connection are at the core. She isn’t going to have a strong connection with you if you’re not willing to take a chance and open up. Think back on some of the things that have happened in your life that had particularly strong emotions associated with them. Discard everything that was a relationship with an ex. Then tell the gal you’re getting involved with a story about one of these events. Don’t waste your and her time by making something up, it has to be genuine and you have to feel genuine emotion in the telling.
I’m not saying to tell stories that have you in tears in the first 10 minutes of meeting her. I’m saying to take a chance and share some emotion. If you’re not willing to share, she knows that you aren’t able to take care of her when she is emotional because you have nothing to relate with. (Regardless of how emotional of a guy you really are)
Dear. Honeykins. Sexkitten. Love. – Names, or challenges?
Terms of endearment can be a good thing, or could be a bad thing. If you use terms of endearment, and you use different ones for every partner, it’s potentially more stressful in the heat of passion than just using the wrong person’s name. Using the same term of endearment for every partner, makes it less likely to “make a mistake” in the same situation. I’d recommend that you pick one method, or the other. Don’t mix and match between your various relationships.
Most people feel closer to their partner when they have some special nickname for them. A special nickname can either be shared just between the partners or openly used. Try starting an interaction with someone new by giving a nickname and just calling them by that nickname.
Events can be easier, events can be harder.
This can apply to roommates as well as multiple-live-together partners.
Trying to keep a surprise from someone when you have more than one person that you live with can be a challenge. If everyone that lives together is in the know about the surprise (especially the fact that it’s a surprise), it makes planning things much easier. If one doesn’t know it’s a surprise, you can pretty much guarantee that the surprise will be spoiled.
One of my partners and I recently planned a surprise for another partner that was mostly successful. The two of them enjoyed the evening as what we had planned was truly great.
A different event where two of us planned a surprise for a friend was nearly ruined by the third because one of our planning conversations was overheard by the third and wasn’t known to be a surprise. Make sure that everyone that might overhear conversations knows that you’re in the midst of planning a surprise. You may want to make sure that when it’s more than two of you in the house the other(s) are brought into the conversation.
On the other hand, trying to plan something that involves three of you, and wanting to have not just scheduling, but actual input from all partners in the decision making can be a challenge. Especially with a demanding child in the mix that is demanding attention from one or more of you during the conversation. Expect that if planning something with two people takes 10 minutes, 3 people will likely take 45 minutes and if you add a toddler to the mix, expect it to take over 2 hours.
Interesting rules.
I have a number of friends that are poly and have some interesting rules in their relationships. Some of them are:
No sex or intimate relationship with anybody with whom I have a professional relationship or nobody who is involved with someone with whom I have a professional relationship.
No relationship unless all current partners have met the potential partner.
No sex under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Clean STD test before anything beyond manual sex.
No serious relationship, at most friends with benefits.
Nobody that is younger than ½ your age + 7 years.
Oral isn’t sex.
The new person has to be willing and able to describe any shared event to the non-directly involved partner.
Times and locations must be known at all times.
No more than 24 hours continuous with anyone but your primary.
Nothing new that hasn’t already been experienced between existing partners.
No sex with an ex.
No sex with anyone that you’ve known for less than 24 hours.
Guys, how to get started.
One possible route:
Ok, so you’re single, and you’ve decided that a Polyamorous relationship is the way to go. What now? Well, you could post singles ads and get completely ignored or thrown off the dating site. You could announce to your social group that you’ve decided to try poly and deal with the naysayers. Or you could just start dating.
Most people understand that when you are dating, you’re not exclusive. You generally don’t need, or want to bring it up as the first thing you say to that gal you’re flirting with. Just roll with it. Drop some hints or just come out and say that you’re not going to be exclusive with anyone. Make it clear that you are looking for a serious relationship, just not an exclusive one.
Before you dive into this, however, make sure you are ok with it internally. Think and meditate on it. If you feel that it is somehow wrong, it’s going to be wrong. Someone is much more likely to get hurt in the process if they feel that monogamy is in your future and they might be the one. As a guy, if you feel that what you are doing is wrong, the woman you are trying to start a relationship with may not know what is wrong with you for her, but she will feel that something is wrong and that will kill the chances of your relationship.
Gals, how to get started.
One possible route:
Ok, so you’re single, and you’ve decided that a Polyamorous relationship is the way to go. What now? Well, you could post singles ads and get flooded with pictured of penis’ from guys that think poly=easy-sex. You could announce to your social group that you’ve decided to try poly and deal with the naysayers. Or you could just start dating.
Most people understand that when you are dating, you’re not exclusive. You generally don’t need, or want to bring it up as the first thing you say to that guy you’re flirting with. Just roll with it. Drop some hints or just come out and say that you’re not going to be exclusive with anyone. Make it clear that you are looking for a serious relationship, just not an exclusive one. Or even make it clear that you are looking for more than one serious relationship.
Before you dive into this, however, make sure you are ok with it internally. Think and meditate on it. If you feel that it is somehow wrong, it’s going to be wrong. Someone is much more likely to get hurt in the process if they feel that monogamy is in your future and they might be the one.
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