Dave's Blog

Too Much Information?

Isn’t information and communication a good thing in any relationship? Well, I agree that a lot of communication is the key to making a relationship work. However, the style of communication has as many variants as there are people in relationships.

A few basic keys. If you use the dreaded phrase, “We need to talk.” or any of its variations, you are likely to run into a wall. Fighting your way through this wall is likely to leave all of you frustrated and not ready or able to actually have the talk you wanted to have in the first place. For every relationship, certain guidelines and rules need to be set down.

The basic rules should be a step by step process. You will either have some rules for your relationship based on your experiences with others, or you will run into something that is uncomfortable and create a rule based on this discomfort.

It’s ok to express rules that you’ve created from previous experiences through stories, or directly. Having too many “my way or the highway” rules expressed too early in the relationship is likely to kill the attraction before it has a good chance to start. Having too few rules expressed early in the relationship and you’re likely to run into one or more of them and that may end up killing the chances for your future as well.

If you’re a very logical person, your partner is likely to be the more emotional one. Discuss what you are both feeling as you are talking (especially when the topics turn uncomfortable). If these feelings are unusual for you, be prepared to have to pause the conversation and acknowledge the discomfort. This will help create a stronger connection between you.

If you’re the more emotional in the relationship, be open to your partner being uncomfortable with either of you sharing emotions. There will be some topics that you will discuss that will take a lot of time to work through. Be patient.

The only way you are going to know what is best for your relationship is to feel it out. Trust your emotions as your conversation flows. Start a conversation, feel the reaction (yours and your partner’s), gauge where you can go from there. Talk about how you are feeling as these things come up. This type of conversation alone can be a great way to connect with your partner. Set aside time to regularly talk about just anything and this will be a good opportunity to bring up potential issues. Create the space to build your relationship and it will grow naturally (thanks “S”).

One possible route:

Ok, so you’re single, and you’ve decided that a Polyamorous relationship is the way to go. What now? Well, you could post singles ads and get completely ignored or thrown off the dating site. You could announce to your social group that you’ve decided to try poly and deal with the naysayers. Or you could just start dating.

Most people understand that when you are dating, you’re not exclusive. You generally don’t need, or want to bring it up as the first thing you say to that gal you’re flirting with. Just roll with it. Drop some hints or just come out and say that you’re not going to be exclusive with anyone. Make it clear that you are looking for a serious relationship, just not an exclusive one.

Before you dive into this, however, make sure you are ok with it internally. Think and meditate on it. If you feel that it is somehow wrong, it’s going to be wrong. Someone is much more likely to get hurt in the process if they feel that monogamy is in your future and they might be the one. As a guy, if you feel that what you are doing is wrong, the woman you are trying to start a relationship with may not know what is wrong with you for her, but she will feel that something is wrong and that will kill the chances of your relationship.

One possible route:

Ok, so you’re single, and you’ve decided that a Polyamorous relationship is the way to go. What now? Well, you could post singles ads and get flooded with pictured of penis’ from guys that think poly=easy-sex. You could announce to your social group that you’ve decided to try poly and deal with the naysayers. Or you could just start dating.

Most people understand that when you are dating, you’re not exclusive. You generally don’t need, or want to bring it up as the first thing you say to that guy you’re flirting with. Just roll with it. Drop some hints or just come out and say that you’re not going to be exclusive with anyone. Make it clear that you are looking for a serious relationship, just not an exclusive one. Or even make it clear that you are looking for more than one serious relationship.

Before you dive into this, however, make sure you are ok with it internally. Think and meditate on it. If you feel that it is somehow wrong, it’s going to be wrong. Someone is much more likely to get hurt in the process if they feel that monogamy is in your future and they might be the one.